It's Time to ...

I just wrote, how I want to forget him. Well it's going to take some time. 

At some point I hate it so badly.

I want to close my eyes, go to sleep, and in the next day I forget about him and this pain. 

Nevertheless it will be too bad to not remember all the things,
that I learned from him and happy moments with him. 

These are my seven songs for tonight: 

1. Offically Mising You  - Jayesslee 

2. My Tears Dry on Their Own - Amy Winehouse

3. If I Could Be, Where You Are - Enya

4. Only Time - Enya

5. Time to Say Goodbye - Sarah Brightman

6. I Will Remember You - Sarah McLachan

7. May It Be - Enya

Motivation to move on. There is hope. 

Hore are the inspiring quotes for this late night:

Come what may!
I believe, I survive this. 

Last Night's Prayer

This song is my prayer last night. It's actually a song from Amy Winehouse "Someone to watch over me". I listened this version first, but then i goggled the Ella Fitzgerald's version. It's slower. I think, I like Amy's version more.

May God listen to my prayer. 

There's a saying old, says that love is blind
Still we're often told, "seek and ye shall find"
So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind

Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet
He's the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret

I'd like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There's a somebody I'm longin' to see
I hope that he, turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
I know I could, always be good
To one who'll watch over me

Although he may not be the man some
Girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

Someone to watch over me

God's Answer

God really listens my prayers and my wishes.
1. God takes care my family and friends

Most of my friends are sick and get a flu. Nevertheless, we can still feel healthy despite the not good weather, because it's windy warm, but it rains suddenly.

 2. Yola passed the entrance exam got accepted in Studienkolleg in I guess, Hannover.

 3. All my students can take part the German Exam, Fit in Deutsch 1 and 2, B1 and B2. Bacause of my mistakes, I missed

4. Names, because I overlooked them. I got panic, because it will be a pity, because they already prepare themselves for over than 6 months. But the worry is now over. It was decided this afternoon, that they can join the test on March, the 13th.

5. Yanti accepted a guy's love confession.

During almost two weeks she prayed, whether she accept him as her boyfriend, or not.

There are still other wishes, that I think, they are not fulfilled yet. Well man never feel satisfied. Man keep wishing for other new things. Or it's not for us, because God thinks, we deserve better or He still prepares us  or me mentally and spiritually for the dreams.

I guess, that's the thing, that I want to trust.

Am I weird?

I keep wondering myself, whether it's true. It isn't just a question that came up only tonight. I ask this almost every day.

 I just watched a film called Peacemaker form Goorge Clooney. Maybe it was only 10 Minutes. There was a part of film, where the enemies, they started shooting lots of sleeping in a train full of bombs. But then they took some of the bombs and put ones of the bombs, that still remained in the train. Before the bomb exploded, the train crashed another train from a different direction, which full of passengers.

What's weird? I started praying during the scenes. I was and am scared, that such bad people really exist in this earth.

What can I do then? I don't know whether others may do the same thing like me. I just hope, I don't become a weird person just because of this.

Last Saturday  I watched also an action film. There were kids also in the cinema. I thought, what kind of parents, who let their children watch this kind of film. But then I realized, they may have some reasons. In the future, I can do also the same thing.

I hope my prayers are listened. Nothing bad may happen to their life.

And then, I ask myself.. Am I weird? Do people think of me as weird person too?

I just hope I can be myself. Be the one, with my prayers can do something to contribute for the peace in this earth.

Why?

For bad things that happen in my life, I usually ask God, why me

Oh God, why You let it happen to me ...

Mostly I forget the beautiful happy moments to ask God, why me

Oh God, why You let in happen to me ...

Well It's just a human, who often remember God, when I'm in trouble,

when I'm in desperate and sad situations and then ask the W-H-Y- Question.

I feel, I don't treat God like a friend in need, need Him, 

when I'm helpless, 

when nobody comfort me, 

 I really treat you unfairly. 

But then I realize, that everything happens for a reason. 

Dreams, that haven't come true, 

Things, that we don't have yet

Someone, that still don't come 

Maybe God think, that I don't deserve them yet

Maybe God want me to prepare myself spiritually and physically 

Maybe He asks me to pursue my dreams more. 

Maybe ... I don't know, what He may think. I'm human after all.

Don't Test Me

That's what I think, my dear God told me today. Since the end of 2012 I'm not in good state of mind. I realize, i'm a coward, when it's all about love. I do have a great fear to confess my feelings. For the last several weeks I've tested God' good willing to me by asking for signs. For example: If I got any sign, (like seeing him or even his car by accident, etc), it meant, there were hope. 

Somehow I was inspired by a Film from Meg Ryan called "Sleepless in Seattle" and "Serendipity" a film from Kate Backinsale. In both films the female character believed in signs. And stupidly I used the same way, to test God's Love and Providence in my life. I didn't believe Him. I don't really feel sure, whether I believe Him now. I just hope, He can remind every time daily, that He loves me and I can count on Him. So I will get myself draw near to Him and feel His Nearness in my life. At the end, I get, what He already planed for me and feel great and grateful for it.

PS: 

Here I just found, sixty things, I should be grateful for.